The Journey...

Welcome to Part 5 of my series on "Letting Go" - Letting Go of Control.

What do we truly have control over in this life?
The answer is simple and this is something I have thought about a lot and also struggled with in the past. Some may say we truly only have control and power over ourselves. This is the case in the fact that we have input into the decisions we make and things we decide to do but other than that we really don't have control over much. I know it sounds scary but it's true. While the idea of influencing only yourself can make you feel weak, a better way to view it is as a new source of freedom.  Knowing that you are the only vessel over which you have ultimate control should lighten your load of responsibilities.  After all, you only have a responsibility to maintain your own life and your own problems (some of us call them "opportunities"). You can recommend, advise, suggest, and advocate.  You can stress the importance of certain things and offer up stories of experience to back up your claims.  However, at the end of the day, each person is responsible for their own actions. I have read that if you really wanted to know why someone did or said something you would have to go back to the beginning of time to figure out why this occurred! Imagine trying to figure that out. This alone gives good enough reason to let go of control and not worry why someone did or said something.

Photo by: divemasterking2000

Some useful tips for letting go of Control in your life are:

1. Admitting the obvious truth -- that you are not responsible to affect a change or correct a problem which is beyond your competency, power, authority or responsibility.
2. Releasing over-responsibility -- giving permission to yourself to be free from an over responsible sense of obligation, duty or requirement to make everything "perfect" in your life and the life of others.
3. No perfectionism -- allowing yourself to rid yourself trying to perfect everything and the need to control every aspect of your life so that nothing goes "wrong" in it.
4. Getting rational about what you can and cannot do -- becoming realistic about what is and is not your obligation or duty to correct, change or control.
5. Allowing yourself to be able to say "no" or "I can't" when faced with insurmountable problems out of your reach.
6. Confessing faith in God or a Higher Power of your choice (make sure it's your choice!) -- openly declare that God or your Higher Power is stronger and a great source of power to whom you can hand over these things out of your control. I choose to trust the Universe and believe I am right where I am supposed to be at every moment and this gives me peace.
7. Realistic acceptance of loss -- after fully grieving a loss admitting that there is nothing left to be done but to accept the loss and hand the loss from this point on over to your Higher Power's care and love.
8. Surrender -- extensive problem brainstorming and testing alternatives with the final conclusion that you can do nothing to change the circumstances of the issue and that it would be saner and more realistic to free your energy up by surrendering and letting go of the issue and handing it over to your Higher Power.

By letting go of control in your life, you allow people, places and things to be responsible for themselves, which takes a tremendous burden off you (exhale). By freeing yourself of this huge burden, you will appreciate life more for what it is. You will have the energy and strength to pursue your own interests. You will be able to relax and have fun and enjoy your Journey!

Welcome to Part 4 of my series on "Letting Go". I have added this additional post, as I think it's very important - Letting Go of Attachment.

Letting Go of Attachment is something that I feel is very important and at the same time very hard to put into words. Anyone familiar with Buddhism will know this as "The Path Of Non-Attachment". A quote from the The Dalai Lama can sum up how Buddhist feel regarding how we attach ourselves (mostly our egos) to things that we feel will make us happy or feel good:

Another Buddhist quote that might help us understand this theory of Non-Attachment is the following:

I will be the first to say I don't totally understand the entire Buddhist religion or beliefs and that I'm not writing to preach Buddhism, but I do believe in a lot of the principles and I'm realising the more I can detach myself from things, the more things seem to just "be" and aren't as heavy and in turn they aren't as big a deal (good and bad). It takes a lot of work and we have to keep at it everyday if we want to detach from certain things like our phone when we leave it somewhere, our sports team when they lose at the end of a game, our favorite shirt that rips, or even at a deeper level the things we love very much. Letting go of attachment doesn't mean less caring or not loving things we care for. To me, it basically means not making them dependant for our happiness. "Things" in life are always changing and never stable so it is very unwise to create this sort of dependence.

We've heard it 1000 times, if we get that raise we'll be happy, when we go on vacation we'll be happy, when we meet the right person it'll be great, when we get rid of that lemon of a car we'll be better... when "this" happens we'll be happy! We'll guess what? Things in life are never stable (it's a fact) and we really don't know what is going to happen from moment to moment so there is no reason to attach yourself to anything because most times you'll just be let down which will then cause suffering (and who wants that!). I also find letting go of this attachment can really help you when things are stressful and hard. I really try to remind myself to let go of attachment (and also control, which is the next post in this series). I hope these posts are helping people in some sort of way because I really enjoy writing them and reflecting on these ideas. Let me know if you have any other suggestions and questions. Thanks! Take care.

Welcome to Part 3 of my series on "Letting Go". Part 1 was written about Letting Go of Judgement while Part 2 was written about Letting Go of Worry. Here is Part 3 on Letting Go of Always Being Right.

I found it interesting when I first read about letting go of always being right. It's something I had never thought about before but really hit home and made sense when I was aware of how often we can "try" to be right. It can almost be amusing when you listen to people discuss things and how often humans fight just to be right! If you think about it for a moment, one of the highest prices we pay in life is the cost of being right. Some of us will sacrifice almost anything just in order to be the last one standing. It can be tiresome!

Have you ever attempted to reason with a child who knows everything? It’s their way or no way at all. They simply cannot understand the concept of another person's point of view. Children go through a stage where they are extremely self-absorbed. Everything is 'mine' and they will not share. The world revolves around their desires and needs. This is a normal stage of childhood where the child is asserting their individuality and independence. The problem arises when this behavior is carried over into adulthood (hint: now would be a good time to sit back, grab a beverage and think about yourself and how you interact with others).

Photo By: belgianchocolate

Most individuals who need to be right have little patience for others and seem to always be in a conflict. It's almost like they enjoy it... maybe this is another part of their Ego at work once again? A few things that may be common in individuals that suffer from always trying to be right are:

• They honestly believe that their ideas are the right way to do things and their viewpoints as the right way to think.
• A differing opinion is a direct affront to their sense of well-being and they become extremely aggressive in their defence of themselves.
• Simple meetings with people can turn into disaster (going to the store, talking on the phone with a stranger, etc).
• They can become angry and display a severe lack of empathy for others.

Luckily, as human beings we were given free will and the ability to choose for ourselves how we interact with others. I believe, the first step to understanding this is to try and catch yourself when you are trying to be right just for the sake of being right. I have found that this can be very helpful and may enlighten some of us who don't realize when we are trying to be right. I hope that my family members would recognize that I have tried to be right a lot less over the past year (I am working on it, I promise!) or so since this idea of Always Being Right has entered my life. I also try to remind others when I hear them discussing things with others that they don't have to be right and it almost immediately creates a feeling of freedom for them when they realize this. If anyone else has any suggestions on how to best let go of always being right, please feel free to share them below. Thank you and take care everyone!

Welcome to Part 2 of my series on "Letting Go". I wrote a post on Letting Go of Judgement that received some positive feedback last week, so here is the next post, which is going to focus on "Letting Go of Worry".

Are you a huge worrier? I wouldn't consider myself a huge worrier but I do catch myself worrying from time to time about different things... big and small. Unfortunately a lot of people in our society seem to always find something to worry about. If they can't find something then they actually invent things to worry about. How unfortunate is that? Mark Twain put it best (and this quote really hits home with me) when he said: "I've known a great many troubles, and most of them never happened." That saying is so true - most worries never do happen! And if they do, they're usually not as bad as we had anticipated. It is quite obvious to see that some of our worrying is a result of us thinking about our fears too much (as I look in the mirror). Our minds are very powerful and if we focus on worrying and negative thoughts over and over it can really wear on us and those around us. Some of us spend too much time and energy on things that offer us no real value and never move us forward, kinda like a car spinning wheels in the sand. None of us enjoy that feeling! So, as with being aware of making judgements, we also need to be aware of when we begin to worry.

I feel a big part of worrying comes, once again, from our Ego. The Ego and this worrying not only creates stress, it has an impact (usually negatively) on what we create and manifest, and on our experience of life in general. Worrying is clearly something that many of us are all familiar with, can share with others in a way that will garner sympathy, empathy, or even pity, and is easy for us to go through day to day life experiencing. This is something the Ego attaches itself to, similar to being a "victim" and trying to make people feel sorry for us. I think we all can get caught in this trap from time to time and have to be aware when this happening. I believe that underneath our worrying we usually have deeper emotions like shame, fear, guilt, hurt, or anger, many of which are more difficult for us to feel and express so we turn to worrying and looking for sympathy. This serves as a great reminder for us to get more authentic, take better care of ourselves, and pay attention!

Neveah understands how to let go of worry. We can learn so much from our pets!

My best advice for letting go of worry (and I have to work on this myself from time to time) is to follow these simple steps:

• Stay in the present moment instead and not worry about the past or the future.
• If you ever feel worry creeping into your thoughts try to think of something to be grateful for or something/someone you really love. Sincerely try this and give it some effort. It doesn't happen easily and this may take some practice.
• Don't suppress the worrying or feelings as they usually will just come back at a later time (and may even be stronger). I think it's important to be positive but also to let the thoughts enter your mind... and then let them fade away. After they fade away, it would be a good time to think of something that you are grateful for.

Take care,
Adrian

My first post in a series of posts on "Letting Go" is Letting go of Judgement. At first glance this may seem obvious or easy to understand but every day we make thousands of judgments about people, places, situations and events. These judgements can be made quickly (sometimes without even realizing it) or they can be things we actually think about for more time and then pass judgement. Some judgements come from our intuition and may be telling us that something doesn’t quite feel right or they could be coming from our ego telling us that you are superior to another or that you know better than they do? I am a big believer in Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" so I feel that almost all judgements come from our "ego". As with a lot of these letting go principles, I think the main thing that we as Human Beings can do is try to be aware that our ego is trying to judge or label someone or something instead of just letting it be. Our life can be so much more amazing and special if we can at least be aware of this and try our best to simply let judgement pass and "let it go".

When we judge another person’s actions or behavior, are we saying that we know what is best for them and that we have the best rule book or the best solution? Maybe we expect others to see things exactly the way we do. But how can they? Everyone has been raised and progressed through unique situations and circumstances so it's impossible to judge why someone has done something or said something. Dr. Loren Ekroth states: “No two people experience the same reality, so how can we know what is exactly right for another soul?” Instead of passing judgement on people, all we can try to do is put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and reach across the difference of opinion to try and understand more.

In my own personal experience, I find a level of peace and comfort when I am aware of myself starting to judge something or someone. It is impossible to eliminate our ego and how it works, but if we can be aware of what it is trying to accomplish we can be so more at ease and not have to label or judge things. This is a great start to letting go, let me know if anyone can relate or has any other suggestions on how we can let go of judgement. Feel free to share in the comments below! Thank you for checking out the first post in this series and I hope to share more on the other topics soon!

-- Adrian